“That person is selfish.” Great. That’s actually not their problem. It’s yours. I know, I know: Take a deep breath.
Some of the greatest pain people experience is because of their perspective. So what does judgment show you about yourself? Why are you mad that the person puts themselves first, from your perspective?
The pain comes in when we’re not feeling enough, not taking care of ourselves, giving to others until depletion, we have weak boundaries, we can’t say no, we have a martyr complex...whatever the reason. We’ve placed the responsibility on someone else to fill that void we’ve created within ourselves, giving that person total power over your happiness and placing them in an impossible role to fill.
Furthermore, as a result, this unfairly slaps a label of conditional love on that person. “That person is more lovable IF they give me attention.” The unconditional love goes out the window when we’re not feeling enough, bringing in more pain & separation to grab our attention. Because we might be angry at ourselves for not being more selfish. Also, we might not even view that person as being selfish at all, if we were taking care of ourselves.
So when a judgment pops into your head next time (because it will), ask yourself how it’s serving you. Is it true or does it exist because of your wounds? A judgment is only true when your perspective matches it. So what is it showing you about yourself that you couldn’t see before?
Ironically, the people who hurt you the most are the ones who offer you the opportunity to heal. They are holding up the mirrors when we don’t want to look. In a way, you can have appreciation for them helping you. And, conversely, if someone makes a judgment about you, it has everything to do with them—but if it triggers you, pay attention to why. It’s all just information.
So if you address your inner wounds, your relationships & your definition of someone else can totally transform & heal. Your entire experience of the world around you gets a little lighter & brighter.
The power is ALWAYS in your hands. So how will you take back your power today?